Asteroids, anyone?

When I was a kid I was hooked on the video game “Asteroids.” After school I would fill my pockets with quarters (tip money from my paper route) and cross Pulaski Avenue to the 7-Eleven. Inside the store, in the back corner, sat my intended conquest – Asteroids.

The graphics couldn’t be more basic, but the game was intense. Your mission: to command a miniature space ship (a white triangle on a black screen) and steer through an asteroid field (white outlines of rocks) without colliding with them or getting shot by the occasional alien spacecraft.

To survive Asteroids, you have to blast the drifting rocks with your laser gun. Trouble is, when you shoot a large asteroid, it explodes into more, smaller asteroids, further cluttering your path. As you continue to shoot the smaller ones, they split into still more, smaller rocks until finally, when you destroy even the tiniest boulders, your blank screen delivers a wonderful sense of accomplishment. That is, until the “next level” begins, a faster and more dense version of the same scenario.

Asteroids is a great illustration for real life challenges. When weattack a large project, we often find it explodes into lots of smaller ones. Initial efforts to make things better inevitably create more chaos and multiplied problems.And, of course, just when you think you have it all handled, when you have completely cleared your screen (or your to-do list), it quickly resets with a more daunting set of challenges. You have reached the “next level.”

It’s like the superhero, Mr. Incredible, says in the wonderful Pixar Animation film, The Incredibles, “I just saved the world. Can’t it stay saved for awhile?” Nope.

So, how do we reduce life’s clutter and the possibility of collisions? Strap on your spaceship and prepare to fire proactive missiles at the three types of clutter in your “asteroid field.”

Physical Clutter

We are constantly assaulted by advertising, television programming, and people proclaiming that having the next great “thing” will bring us the joy we desire. After all, isn’t that what money is for – to buy more stuff? I am as guilty of this as anyone. But time and time again, I discover that the purchase of anything brings an obligation as well as an opportunity – a new learning curve, time commitment, or sense of responsibility. These are the factors that are left out of the advertising.

We all have too much stuff, and the solution to this is really pretty simple. Get rid of it! To do that, you can organize a garage sale. Or, you can catalogue and inventory all your extra stuff, list each item on eBay, host multiple auctions and monitor their progress. Then, once the auctions are completed, you can package and ship each item to the “winner,” provide feedback about your purchasers, and hope they will do the same for you, so that your eBay ranking reflects you are a “certified stuff provider.”

Maybe you detected a note of cynicism there. The thing is, I despise garage sales (hosting them, that is). I don’t want to become an eBay expert. Both approaches, and many like them, are the equivalent of smashing big rocks (I have too much stuff) into little ones (Let’s do a million other things to address this one big thing.)

Or, there are many charitable organizations which will happily take your stuff, free of charge, and rid your life of some clutter with relative ease on your part. I think that is a far more simple and effective way to handle it. Plus, it feels good to give stuff away, especially to those who really need it.

Mental Clutter

Have you ever had the experience of lying awake in bed, exhausted but unable to sleep? While your body lay perfectly still, giving a convincing impression of rest, inside your head you are running marathons, turning back flips, and negotiating cruel and complicated obstacle courses of your own design. A busy brain is a side effect of a busy life. The problem is that it may be difficult to turn off (or even down).

How you spend your thoughts is how you spend your time. What you think about becomes amplified, attracted, and abundant in your life. This is why it is of supreme importance that you take an active role in policing the traffic in your cerebrum. You must strictly enforce sanctions about what is and what is not allowed to dominate your mind. Because, when you are slack about this task, the default of your thinking is, all too often, negative representations that will do you harm.

These Brain Killers include: Worry, indecision, procrastination, obsession, regret, resentments, guilt, and avoidance. Taken in one gulp, as we just did, this is quite a list, isn’t it? These emotionally charged words no doubt made an impact on you, as they each correspond to real life issues and dilemmas you have faced or are confronting now. These forces wield enormous power and alter our life experience.

Worry – Uncertainty about what might happen – Some elements about the future you can control. But others, you cannot. Get over it. Instead of fretting about the unknown, handle what you can and then show up to see what happens next. Instead of projecting disaster, expect resolution. The unexpected outcomes may be better than you dare to dream.

Regret, Resentments, and Guilt – What did happen – It’s over. You can’t change it. Ask for forgiveness and let it go.

Indecision, Procrastination, and Avoidance – What needs to happen, but is not happening, because of you – Get out of your own way, stop blocking your own progress.

The Clutter of Activity

Eddie, my nine year old boy, and I were bike riding in our neighborhood the other day and he asked me “Dad, can we do this every Friday?”

“Son, I’d like to do this as much as we can. Let’s try to take a bike ride together every week. But, it doesn’t have to be on Friday.”

“But Dad, Friday is my only free day. Monday and Wednesday I go to Tae Kwon Do. Tuesday I have piano lessons and my Cub Scout den meeting. Thursday is soccer practice. Then we have games on Saturday and church on Sunday.”

So much for a carefree youth. Like many parents, in our desire to provide well-rounded learning opportunities, we have over-programmed our kids. We are passing along our twisted notion that more activity and more commitments always lead to a better life. This simply isn’t the case.

Not only do we have too much stuff in our lives, we may have too many commitments. The difference is, you can’t pick up the phone, call the Salvation Army and ask them to drive a truck to your house and pick up a garage full of commitments you would like to donate. Commitments are “sticky,” and you may find it difficult to release them from your grip.

Why? Perhaps it is because others depend upon you. And if you don’t do it, then who will? But part of this equation involves our own feeling of worthiness. It is part of our identity – we are because we do. We are because we are needed.

I’d be willing to bet there is something in your life, an existing commitment, an unhealthy relationship, or an obligation that you can release. While the initial act of un-committing may be uncomfortable, the net effect will be positive. So what’s stopping you?

When you liberate yourself from one commitment, another “opportunity” will quickly present itself, and you will be tested. What will you say? Here’s an idea; how about “no, thank you.” When you decline, please follow these guidelines. Say “no”

• Conclusively – Don’t be ambiguous with your answer, saying “I’ll have to think about it,” or “Let me check my schedule.” Say no. Sorry, but you are not available. Your schedule will not permit another commitment at this time.
• Politely – Be direct, but do not be rude. There are plenty of nice ways to decline an invitation.
• With Gratitude – It is a special thing to receive an offer to participate. It means that the other people involved value your skills and abilities. Acknowledge that, and thank them for the opportunity. Then say no.
• Without Excuses – The less talking you do to justify your response, the better. Keep it simple and resist the temptation to explain just how busy you are and all the reasons why you can’t do it. Once they get the answer, they need to move on, and so should you.
• With Confidence – You are sure you are making the right decision and response. You are confident they will find “the right person” for the job, and it’s not you.

Into Action

1. Get rid of physical clutter at home and at work. Don’t make this more complicated than it needs to be.

2. Actively eliminate mental clutter. Let go of negative thoughts, such as worry or regret. Make the decisions you’ve been putting off so that you can move on and engage your brain for something more useful.

3. Reduce the clutter of your commitments. Release yourself from obligations, practice saying “no,” and apply yourself fully to areas that are truly important or deliver the greatest sense of purpose.

As you perform these tasks, you’ll clear a new path that will speed you toward what you really want and help you serve others in more powerful ways.

Wishing you uncluttered happiness,

Dan

I live in the world of performance. What often occupies my thoughts (when I’m not on stage) is how I can create and deliver a production that conveys a message, creates an experience, or challenges my abilities.

But, as I say in nearly all of my speeches, “YOU are also on stage every day. What you say, what you do (and how you do it) IS your performance.” Those things convey who you are, what you believe, and whether or not you are credible. Your day to day performances have the capacity to inspire or disappoint – captivate or bore – soar to unexpected heights or fall short of anticipations.

It’s entirely up to you.

The starting point to improving your life is improving your performance experiences. And, regardless of your background, you can do that. Opportunities are all around you.

The Las Vegas Jam Session

For many months, I have been in the process of creating an experience for the National Speakers Association. I am the Producer of the Presenting and Performing Jam Session, which will take place April 11-13 at the Golden Nugget Casino in Las Vegas. I am super excited about this, because I’ve put together a team of performance experts to help speakers, trainers, leaders (and anyone who hopes to create more compelling presentations) add entertainment value, create dynamic experiences, and engage audiences in new and powerful ways.

My team of “Jam Leaders” includes Rich Little (legendary impersonator and comedian), the conductor of Cirque du Soleil, a story development expert who consults with Disney, Pixar, and LucasFilm, phenomenal speakers, entertainers, performance coaches, movement experts, Rolling Stone’s #42 guitarist of all time (Robert Fripp) and even a few “Surprise Guests” – Las Vegas celebrities who will be stopping by. It is going to be a MIND BLOWING event! If you are interested in checking it out, or possibly signing up yourself, then HERE’S THE LINK.

So, as I sat down to write this month’s Action Mail (and create an experience for you), many of the details of that anticipated experience continue to swim through my thoughts. Questions like:

“Has Gio confirmed with Lance Burton about his appearance on Sunday?”

“Do we have adequate lighting, staging, and sound to make the performances shine?”

“What will the Showgirls be wearing, and will that offend anyone in the audience?”

Seriously, this is going to be “off the chain!”

So, instead of dismissing these thoughts, I thought I would go with it, share the fun with you, and extend the message so it resonates with your personal experience. You see, there are many vital lessons you can implement today to maximize your performance opportunities. Here are a few for starters.

Preparing for Your Performance: Into Action

• Recognize You are On Stage – Not only are people always watching you, but in the day and age of video phones, they are all carrying cameras (and uploading to YouTube). What you say and do matters ALWAYS, because you never know who’s in your audience. And when you operate online, your audience is worldwide.
• Create with Intention – What sells a performance? One word. Confidence.You must know what you want – how you anticipate that experience being received – and take complete ownership of the stage. Not that you must be forceful, but rather comfortable. Your ease translates to your audience and allows them the freedom to relax.
• Go to Eleven – On a scale of one to ten, where ten represents the highest expectation of your audience, go to eleven. (Spinal Tap fans will appreciate this reference.) To fully engage your audience, you must go further than they expect. Normally, in real life scenarios, expectations are based on predictable experiences. Employ a little creativity and the element of a “positive surprise,” and you’ll quickly stand above 95% of your performance peers.
• Use your Tools – A seasoned performer understands how to use all the available tools – talent, movement, voice, staging, lighting, technology, and partnerships, to name a few. What tools to you have to draw from? What are your greatest strengths, and are you using them as effectively as you can?
• Leverage the Power of your Audience – I learned a secret early on in my performance career. When you know you are on stage, and when you can harness the excitement/nervousness of the moment and the collective will of all your observers, you actually become more capable than you could ever be when you are alone. That may be a radical thought, so let me say it differently. When I am on stage and in the right orientation to my audience, I can do things I wouldn’t normally be able to do. The most incredible stunts I have performed, the most compelling statements I have delivered, have been produced on stage, in front of an audience.

Remember that every experience you create will exist first in your thoughts, then in your actions, and ultimately, in the experience of your audience. Your reality is not necessarily their reality. And their reality is the one that matters most.

Cultivate the mindset of a performer. Study entertainment all around you. It’s truly the way we learn, love, and emotionally connect to our world.

Step into the light. Project your voice to the back of the house. And confidently convey what you believe. When you do, your audience will be drawn into your experience, and they will be changed because of it.

Now go hit the stage. You’re on!

Break a leg (that’s performers lingo for “have a great show”),

Dan

Happy “Almost New” Year!

It is January 16, so 2008 isn’t exactly “new” anymore, although it still has that “New Year Smell.”

In contemplating this month’s Action Mail, I considered a message that would help you to move beyond resolutions and implement “New Year’s Evolutions” that had lasting impact. But I did that already, two years ago.

I could advocate seeing your desired life improvements not as daunting changes but as “A New Normal” you already possess. But that was last year.

Check the archives for those posts, if you wish, as they remain valid today. But, without a doubt, they are no longer “new.”

And that leads us to this year’s message: What’s new? Or, rather, what is “new?” And why is it so important to us?

Without a sense of “newness” we are unable to create or feel fulfilled. Without a hunger for new thoughts, new achievements, or new experiences, you are directed by someone else’s wishes, or by the random events that come your way.

So this month’s Action Mail is about how you can hang on to “new,” carry it with you every day, and create better experiences and improved results for yourself and for others.

Keeping it New

As human beings, we are natural predictors. We try to anticipate what is coming next, we prejudge situations, and we constantly categorize everything and everyone we meet. It’s how we make sense of the world, and how we protect ourselves from harmful situations.

The problem with this “reflex” is that it has a way of narrowing your view and your available options. If you enter a situation with a specific, predetermined expectation, you immediately limit the chance of something better. Or, when the outcome doesn’t match your expectation, you see it as wrong or disappointing, rather than a new and different possibility.

The key to enjoying life and success, in my view, is to pursue the possible instead of the predictable. Approach conversations and experiences with a sense of wonder: I wonder how this is going to turn out. It’s not up to you to decide how it “must be” or “should be.” Your challenge is to show up, participate, and engage life.

Into Action

Here are three ways you can “keep it new” and open up to stimulating possibilities.

1. Rediscover your work. Last week, I was talking with Brian McDonald, a story development expert who works with Disney, Pixar Animation, and LucasFilm. I asked Brian about advanced story techniques (hoping for some magic secret I could use in my own writing and speaking). He told me “Advanced is just a deeper understanding of the basics.”

That statement corresponds with Steve Martin’s opening line from his new book (which I highly recommend), Born Standing Up: “I did stand-up comedy for eighteen years. Ten of those years were spent learning, four years were spent refining, and four were spent in wild success.”

People who enjoy “wild success” are those who continue to explore and better understand the basics of their job or craft. Take this approach with your job. Expect to learn something new from every encounter, and your interest will deepen along with your experience.

2. Rediscover the people in your life: loved ones, co-workers, customers, and even the people you have been avoiding. Don’t settle for the status quo with relationships. Explore new territory. People are constantly changing, which means that every relationship is always new.

3. Focus Outward. We get so trapped inside the prism (or prison) of our perspective that we lose sight of newness. Turn your attention outside of your personal view. Watch other people. Look at life, art, business, and nature. Draw from every exposure, not simply from the limits of your internally-generated thoughts and personal experience. As you focus outward, you will be bombarded by newness and your sense of awe soon becomes awesome.

And, the next time someone asks you “What’s new?” or “What’s happening?”, resist the reflex to respond by saying “Not much,” “nothing,” or “same old same old.” Instead, tell them “Everything’s new!” It is far more interesting and accurate.

Let’s make every day a world premiere! Your partner in action,

Dan

It’s decision time.

All eyes are upon you. Which way will you go? What path will you take? It’s your call, and the impact of your choice can forever shape your life for better or worse. Time’s up. So let’s have it.What is your decision?

Every day, life presents you a myriad of choices in all shapes and sizes. Some are relatively simple, such as how you like your eggs, what you wear, or what you will watch on TV tonight.But, interspersed with these innocuous quizzes are real-life puzzlers. We encounter questions that demand answers, and sometimes we are unable or unwilling to conjure a definitive and confident response.

“Should I take that job, even if it means moving to a new city?”

“Can I make it if I try to start my own business?”

“Is this the person I’m supposed to be with for the rest of my life?”

“Is the time right to have kids?”

“Paper or plastic?”

This month’s Action Mail is about decisions – what they mean, and how we can make them with greater ease and confidence. As you read this, I hope you will contemplate your real time life issues. What decisions are presently on your plate? Whatever they are – as mammoth as a new mission or as straightforward as a new pair of slacks, we can decide with certainty if we get to the heart of the questions: How to choose? What to choose? And, how do you know if you made the right choice?

How to choose?

Consciously – We cannot avoid making decisions. An inability to decide is itself a choice – one that relinquishes control of your life to other people or outside circumstances. The trouble is, you might not like what you end up getting, and by the time you know it, your alternative options may be slim, or nonexistent.

Informed – Start by checking your premise. Does this really matter to you? Why? What is your motive? Answer those questions, then learn all you can about available options and all the necessary details.

On Principle – Get clear about what you value and what you believe. Solid principles simplify decisions.

Multi-Dimensionally – With life’s big decisions (and even some small ones), you need to get the big picture. What impact will this have on all five spheres of your life: your work, your relationships, your health, your spiritual growth, and your personal interests? There are no “isolated” choices.

Completely – Commit to your decision one hundred percent , without an escape plan or mandated “requirements.” Turn the page and engage your choice completely, resisting the temptation to revisit the last chapter.

What to choose?

Easy over difficult – Do not battle your choices or brace yourself for conflict. It’s not necessary. Smart decisions (even the big ones) should be easy, as long as you ask the right questions and start from a solid foundation. The right choice, because it is a new path, may be challenging. But the decision is easy.

Simple over complicated – Get down to the basics. What is the real issue – the main thing about the main thing? Don’t turn this into a mental obstacle course. Keep it simple.

Gut over head – Once you have gathered sufficient information, follow your instincts. Most decisions are made with the gut and then rationalized afterward. And that is not a bad thing. Betray your gut, and you might end up with puke on your shirt.   

Evidence over wishful thinking – Past results and actions are real indicators of possible outcomes. Especially where people are concerned, the evidence of past behaviors is difficult to dispute or “wish away” in the hope for a different outcome tomorrow.

Positive over negative – Every thought you have and each response you make is an opportunity to choose a positive or a negative path. Choose positive. This isn’t an altruistic, lip-glossed view of what is best for the planet. This is vital and what is best for you! Negative thoughts and actions always induce conflict, stress, and anxiety. Positive thoughts and actions empower you and enable positive results, every time. Be nice. Be inquisitive, not justifiably irritated.

How do you know you made the right decision?

If you ask this question, you haven’t really made a choice. You still have one foot on the other (untaken) path. Life is too short for “split decisions.” Choose, and move forward. How do you know it was the right choice? You made it. It was right for that moment, decided for the right reasons. Everything happens for a reason.

When you know yourself and what you are all about, and you operate from that mental footing, then choices become opportunities to test and demonstrate your purpose. They become easier, as well, because you are not simply rolling the dice and hoping for the best.

Into Action

1. Decide to decide. Your most important choice is what you are thinking. Your next most important choice is what you will do next. Focus on just the next choice, and make it a good one.

2. Ask the right questions of yourself and others. Get clear on what you believe and what is most important, and you’ll find the “right answer” is clearly revealed.

3. Commit and “own” your choices. It’s like when you rent a car and drive over the spiked hump. Backing up will only result in “severe tire damage.” So put it in gear and go!

Decidedly, your partner in action,

Dan

Lifelong Learning

One of the best parts of my job is that I am always learning about a variety of industries, companies, places, and people. In order to connect with each audience, I must first develop an understanding about the group – what they do, their challenges, their mission, and their ultimate objectives. It is fun and rewarding work.

Sometimes I meet a person who is truly inspirational and forever changes the way I look at life. Last month I had the occasion to meet such a man. His name is Bill Barnette, and I wanted to introduce him to you. I think we can all learn a lot from his example.

My presentation was for the Gwinnett County School System in Georgia, where I live. The audience was comprised of more than one hundred “TSTs,” or Technology Services Technicians. Throughout the school system, TSTs handle a wide assortment of computer issues and technological challenges to keep the schools’ classrooms, laboratories, and networks running smoothly.

Most of the TSTs are men and women who specialize in this field. They are technology experts and in most cases studied computer sciences in colleges or trade schools. And most TSTs are in their 30s or 40s.

Bill Barnette, the TST for Duluth High School, is 80 years old. He approached me after the program, sharing positive comments and a brilliant smile. Bill told me my message resembled his personal philosophy for life. My question was probably the same as yours – how do you get to be a technology expert at 80 years old? The short answer: Never stop learning.

Life Lessons

Bill attended a four-room high school with a “pot belly stove” and an outhouse. He joined the Navy in 1945 and, through his service and the GI Bill, was able to enroll in at Georgia Tech. When he first stepped on campus, he had never even seen a physics book or studied advanced mathematics, so his curriculum was quite overwhelming. But by applying himself and setting goals, he not only learned those subjects but also went on to graduate with honors and earn a degree in electrical engineering. This gave him the credentials to begin a career with General Electric. When he was 60, Bill retired from a 36 year career with GE, where he had worked in the marketing department. He confessed that he had been grateful to end his career prior to the influx of personal computers, so that he didn’t have to endure that learning curve.

But retirement didn’t sit well with Bill. He is not very good at standing still, and quickly decided that he needed some other challenges in his life. He tried teaching for awhile. Then, in his late 60s, he decided it was time to learn about computers. He boldly walked into a neighborhood computer parts store and told the manager “I’m going to work for you whether you pay me or not. I want to learn everything I can about computers.”

He did. And Bill found the learning enjoyable, interesting, and ever expanding. It was a fun challenge for him. Before long he was building computers himself. The more he learned, the more he wanted to learn about technology solutions.

Sharing the Legacy

Bill has been a TST for eight years. Today he brings his passions for learning and for computers to Duluth High School.  They count on him there for much more than maintaining computer workstations, re-imaging equipment, or servicing the “Active Directory” network. They count on Bill to share his life experience.

Bill spoke to the entire school faculty at the start of the year and extended an open invitation for teachers to call on him for any reason if he could be a helpful addition in the classroom.  He has talked with students about what it was really like to live through the Great Depression, offering captivating stories and insights. When a history class discusses the Civil War, Bill can retell the stories he heard from his Great Grandfather, who served in Robert E. Lee’s Army and fought in every battle Lee led. He shares his marketing experience at General Electric, and even recently extended a challenge to the Algebra 1 class, announcing that he would take every test they did (without studying) and see if he could recall the answers. He wants to prove that math is something you use throughout your life.

Bill Barnette is also active in his church community, claiming “You are never too old to work in the youth department.” One favorite lesson: He teaches young men the proper way to deliver a firm, confident handshake. “I’ve got a wicked handshake,” Bill told me.

What can we learn from this man’s example? More importantly, what actions can we take to improve our own lives?

Into Action

1. Never stop learning.  When it comes to learning, you will never run out of “disk space.” You’ll never crack open a book and experience brain lock or encounter an error message announcing your hard drive is full. You have an infinite capacity to take in information and master new concepts. As Bill says, “I just love learning the new technology. It keeps my mind going, going, going.”

2. Share your experience. Your knowledge and life experience is extremely valuable to someone else. Share those lessons. When you do, your learning journey will continue in ways that may surprise you.

3. Always deliver a firm, confident handshake. You never know when you might meet someone truly special, like Bill Barnette.  And you’ll want to make a good first impression.

Your partner in learning,

Dan

We have it backwards. 

We lament the labor of our lives, resent and resist the effort it takes to get up early, face our commutes, and continue the disciplined routines we follow. We perceive the “daily grind” is an unfortunate necessity – an aspect of life we reluctantly must endure so that we may one day reach a moment of ease and comfort. When our hardship finally pays off and that glorious future is realized, we imagine, we will finally celebrate our success, enjoy life, slow down, and be at greater peace. Dream on. That’s not going to happen. And thinking that it will is not only unrealistic, but also counterproductive. It’s backwards. Instead, we should celebrate the struggles, even as they happen, for the meaningful gifts they are. Sure, that sounds sappy. Truth is sometimes sappy.

Here’s the deal. If you live your life thinking that one day you will reach a moment when you have attained success or captured peace and contentment, you will be forever frustrated. The only way to experience peace and contentment in life is to be peaceful and content with theprocess of living. And that means welcoming the difficult moments with open arms.

In fact, we should eagerly anticipate life’s challenges, like an Olympic track and field athlete poised and ready at the start of the opening gun. Consider Carl Lewis, a legendary athlete who won a total of ten Olympic medals (nine of them gold) spanning four separate Olympic contests(1984, 1988, 1992, and 1996) and twelve years. His domination of the 100m, 200m, and long jump events brought him international recognition of his accomplishments and titles including “Sportsman of the Century” by the International Olympic Committee and “Olympian of the Century” by Sports Illustrated.

Can you imagine Lewis approaching his job with the attitude most people take to work? Picture Carl lining up with his fellow competitors, positioning his feet in the starting blocks, looking up to at the open track, visualizing the impending explosion of energy and subsequent strides, thinking to himself, Well here we go again – another day, another race to run. Same old. Same old. NO! At the start of every race or every jump, he is primed and ready to go. Adrenaline pumping. Heart thumping. Brain focused to the sharpest point of concentration, thinking, Let me at it. I’m ready. This is the moment I live for!

In his mind and body, that race was already run a thousand times. To reach such a moment even once, athletes spend countless hours in training. Those moments invested, paid for with sweat, pain, and sacrifice, are preludes to an Olympic trial. Yet, even if that ultimate opportunity never materialized, the training was just as valuable.

It is unlikely you or I will ever have the chance to compete in the Olympics. Yet we face similar trials and training opportunities every day. How do you respond to them? You see, just like world class athletes, those are the moments we live for – the chances to test ourselves and perform. We need to celebrate the struggle. It is the struggle that makes us who we are.

Celebrate the Struggle

Life is not easy. But it’s not supposed to be. No matter who you are, where you come from, or what you choose to pursue, you will face difficulties that test your stamina, abilities, courage, and mental toughness. You cannot avoid being tested. However, you can control yourorientation to those challenges. You can approach challenges with trepidation or excitement. Resentment or resourcefulness. Self pity or self empowerment. It is a choice you make not once, but continually.

Being a dad is my greatest joy in life. Like parents everywhere, I love my children immeasurably. I cherish their touch, their voices, and their ideas. The time we spend together is incredibly special. It’s also, at times, frustrating, challenging, and testing. That seems to be their job – to test Mom and Dad regularly. Sometimes I pass the test. Sometimes I fail miserably. Regardless, there is always another lesson, another “Pop quiz” coming up momentarily. And I’m the only “Pop” in the house.

When trying to teach my kids or redirect their behavior, it is amazing to me how much repetition it takes. Eddie and Maggie, our children, are wonderful, smart, and loving. But they continue to explore limits, invent loopholes in the family rules, and provoke each other. They’re kids. That’s their job. That’s what they are supposed to do. My job is to be loving yet direct, creatively consistent, and always up for the challenge.

Being a parent is difficult. But it is becoming increasingly clear that the challenge, the daily training, is as much for my benefit as it is for theirs. The effort is the gift, teaching me new skills, stretching my patience and creativity, broadening my own understanding of life and love. Some people will tell you “When your kids grow up and you look back on it, it will all be worth it.” No. Backwards. It is worth it now!  Every day, every moment is perfect and purposeful, although the meaning can sometimes be a little fuzzy around the edges.

Those fuzzy edges are also part of our work experience. Often we begin the day energized, focused, and determined to accomplish something important or at least make measurable progress. Typically, those efforts are met with unpredicted interruptions and urgent situations that demand our attention and energy. Just the same, it is all part of a perfect plan, generously offering you opportunities to hone your talents. In the “grind” you hone your skills, learn to manage your energy, and clarify your focus.

Some Gifts of the Grind:

• Stretching our abilities makes us stronger.
• Consistent action and disciplined thinking have huge impact over time.
• Repeated “failures” lead to breakthrough, often at the point of exhaustion.
• In the struggle, we learn about ourselves and refine our sense of purpose.
• Pain, frustration, and discomfort help us become willing to change.

Into Action

1. Prepare for your trials like an athlete. Stretch yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. By pushing your limits deliberately you strengthen your muscles, stamina, and confidence. But do it on your terms. Make it a conscious choice. Consider your struggles as purposeful “daily training.”

2. Renew your energy between races. Nourish yourself and replenish your capacity regularly. People finish marathons depleted, damaged, and incapable of competing the next day. You don’t have that option, so run short 100m races instead. In order to perform everyday, you need to rest, refuel your body with good food, and rehydrate with plenty of water. Dehydration causes fatigue, so instead of a third cup of coffee, drink water, and notice how your stamina improves.

3. Approach each day with commitment and expectation. Each new challenge presents an opportunity to deliver your best effort. Don’t dwell on yesterday’s results. Expect that today you will perform at a capacity beyond your previous attempts. After all, you have been training for this moment all of your life!

Remember, what you perceive as a “daily grind” is someone else’s dream job.Accept the gifts your “grind” has to offer you. Don’t stop now. A significant performance breakthrough may be just around the next curve.

Keep on grinding!

Dan

Do you have the time? Well, what if you did?

In the 1963 Twilight Zone episode A Kind of Stopwatch, Patrick McNulty does not fit in. His irritating personality and know-it-all nature wins him no friends and even gets him fired from his job. Later that day in a neighborhood bar, he meets a strange man named Potts who offers him an unusual stopwatch. McNulty soon discovers that this watch has the magical ability to stop time. When the button is pushed, all action freezes, allowing him the luxury to move unencumbered until he once again presses the button and resumes life events. What does McNulty do with such a remarkable, valuable treasure? He screws it up, of course. After failing to get his job back, he decides to rob a bank. In the process, he drops and breaks the watch, leaving time permanently paused and ensuring he will be forever isolated from others.

When I was I boy, I often fantasized I had a watch like this. Maybe you did, too. Surely, if you or I had this gift we would use it wisely, unlike Mr. McNulty. We would use the power for good – to avert tragedies, correct injustice, or at the very least clean out our garages. We would reclaim control over our days and create extra time as needed for the important and often neglected items on our to-do lists. After all, we would all be more satisfied and successful if we only had a little more time.

There simply isn’t “enough time” in the day. If we just had one more day in the week, we would be able to catch up on what we need to do. We’d have the time for all the other projects that just don’t fit into our “regularly scheduled programming.” What would you do with one more day?I am going to go out on a limb and suggest you would most likely do the same things you did yesterday and will do today and tomorrow.

How we spend our time is a reflection of what we value and, ultimately, who we are. So, why would a “bonus day” change your nature, revolutionize your priorities, or alter your decided path? It wouldn’t. No, I think you and I would continue onward, as we are accustomed, content to spend our extra time chipping away at the same “living sculptures” we have been creating all along. A little more progress will be our only reward.

We have a co dependent relationship with our concept of time. We need to feel the constraints of the ticking clock in order to feel motivated to move. We wake up and head into work because it is “time” to do so. We stop when the clock says we should, or we resent the fact that we aren’t finished and have to work past the anticipated hour. After all, that means we will have less time with our families, or to exercise, or to watch our televisions, read our books, or visit with our friends. Time is limited. There is never enough. So we conclude: If we only had more time, we could certainly make better sense out of life and be more complete, loving, and useful.  

Nope. Wrong answer. As you’ll see in a minute, this is really a form of self delusion. This mind set has become part of our mental programming, and it is reinforced by external influences thousands of times every day. We are told by marketers that we need faster computers, instant food, speed dating, quick workouts, and shortcuts to spiritual growth. Turn on the radio during our morning drive to work, and we can get world news in ninety seconds, traffic and weather “on the tens” and a steady stream of experts sharing pithy advice about relationships, money management, child care, sex, and, of course, life balance. Each person offers a beautifully crafted and concise solution to a complex problem. Should you try to implement their teachings, you’d likely find them to be incomplete, unrealistic or inadequate. No matter, though. You won’t implement their advice. After all, there isn’t enough time.

The attitudes and belief systems we have constructed about time are unhealthy and untrue. Yet they serve a purpose, keeping us in a pattern of behavior that perpetuates the cycles of consumption and economic growth – we persistently purchase products, feverishly work, indulge in entertainment escapes, and remain blissfully unaccountable for our shortcomings. It’s not our fault that life is hollow and unsatisfying. We can’t be blamed for failing to maintain our relationships. There’s not enough time. That position is unacceptable. Using time as an excuse to justify our life situation is a cop out, and I sincerely hope you and I will stop doing so, because “not enough time” is not the problem.

Into Action

1. Recognize you have all the time there is. Heads of state, parents of eleven children, and the world’s greatest achievers have exactly the same amount of time you do: 86,400 seconds every single day. The difference is, their relationship with time is different. They use it as a tool, not a crutch. So can you.

2. Stop using time as an excuse. Remove the phrases “I don’t have the time” and “I’m too busy” from your vocabulary. When you decline an invitation or assignment, or when you explain why you didn’t return a phone call immediately, take responsibility for your actions. Instead of saying “I don’t have the time” or “I’m too busy” (everyone is busy and they don’t want to hear that you are) say something like “I’m handling other priorities that really need my attention.” Or tell them “I’m engaged in something really important right now. Let me follow through with this and get back to you when I can give you my complete attention.” See how that language validates your efforts instead of diminishing them as futile or inadequate.

3. Become a Master of the Moment. Time mastery is not as much about squeezing hours as it is about seizing moments. When we do, we can shorten our learning curves, deepen our relationships, and accomplish our tasks with focused attention. Seize the moments to plan, as well as the moments to play. Identify the purpose behind your movements and they will become direct and deliberate instead of circuitous. Without purpose, activity expands to fill the available time.

Anybody want to buy a stopwatch? It’s only been used once. It doesn’t work. Never has. In fact it’s just an idea I need to get rid of.

With encouragement all the time,

Dan

What do Prince and Notre Dame have in common?

Last week I had an opportunity to find out first hand, and both experiences got me thinking about the way people or institutions distinguish themselves and rise above comparison. Before we get to the “lessons,” though, allow me to share the story.

I have been a Prince fan since Purple Rain (1984). I mean, I really liked the album. The movie wasn’t bad. But the concert … oh, the concert. Once I witnessed that man command a crowd and pour out his talent, energy, and music to a live audience. Well, I was hooked for life.

So when my friend and performance partner, Philip Solomon, told me he’d been hired to perform with Prince at a private party in Austin, TX , I promptly persuaded him that he neededme in the show.

I know what you’re thinking: “A private party? Prince played a private party?” Yes, he did. This was a birthday celebration for an affluent couple (her’s actually) and about 300 of their friends.They spared no expense ensuring the event would not be outdone in the foreseeable future. They hired two bands, includingGrupo Fantasma (pictured) , the same group Prince performed with in a driving rainstorm during Super Bowl Halftime this year. One of New York’s most respected designers was retained to arrange the decor and visual elements. The food was incredible, of course, and every item you could think of was well planned and executed by a coordinated team of party professionals … superior attention to detail.

Attention to Detail

As part of the show, we were witness to the efforts of Prince’s production team. Long before the event started, we watched how they prepared the stage, perfected the sound and lighting, and handled the security and comfort of his backstage area (in true rock star fashion). Once he took the stage, Prince performed with detailed precision, his every action, motion, note, and gesture contributing to the visual and sonic spectacle. We watched it all happen from ten feet away.

Two days later, I found myself in a different scene entirely: South Bend, IN. The University of Notre Dame.

I was hired to speak on two consecutive evenings for the Executive Vice President’s Division. My audiences were men and women who handle everything from technology and communication to business operations, financial aid, maintenance and care of the campus, and thousands of other “details” that contribute to the distinctive and incomparable experience that is Notre Dame.

I was hosted by John Affleck-Graves, Notre Dame’s Executive Vice President, and his right hand man, Mike Seamon. The hospitality of John, Mike, and Mike’s assistant Ginger was extraordinary. They made every effort to make me feel comfortable, welcomed, and connected to Notre Dame’s mission and rich history. I toured the campus, played the golf course, and learned much about the University. My performances took place in the Joyce Center, the beautiful arena where the Fighting Irish play basketball. A fantastic team of technicians handled my lighting, sound, and staging needs with expert precision. Their attention to detail set the stage for two very special and successful performances.

Mike Seamon, who was also Lou Holtz’s personal assistant during his senior year, provided the inspiration for this Action Mail. To paraphrase Mike: “One thing I learned from Lou is, whether you are trying to win or trying to create a great experience, it is all about the details. You don’t have to obsess about details, but you need to address them. You need to handle them. If you handle the details, you do it one time, and everything else falls into place.”

What makes Notre Dame (a relatively small school, with only 8,000 undergraduate students) one of the most sought after and respected educational destinations? What keeps them world-class leaders in athletics, academics and operational excellence? It’s the same thing that has driven Prince’s successful 35 year career. It’s the same thing that will help you and me distinguish ourselves from the crowd: details.

Into Action

1. Get “detailed” about what you want to achieve. Identify details that will help you vividly picture successful achievements and realized dreams. Next, determine, in detail, whatspecifically will have to happen to get you there.

2. If you go a little bit further than others are willing to go, you will stand out by far.Take the time to address and handle the details in your life. That small investment of time and effort will pay enormous returns.

3. Once the details are covered, you can truly relax. Instead of feeling anxious or fearful that something unexpected might happen, you can delight in the knowledge that it’s covered. Enjoy the party. Enjoy the show. Enjoy your life!

I sure needed this message, and I hope you found it useful, as well. Now, I think I’ll put on my Notre Dame shirt, listen to some Prince, and think about the next steps of my life and career, with attention to the details.

Keep looking up!

Dan

I often wonder what alternate turns my life would have taken had I not learned to juggle.

At eleven years of age, I chanced to meet a skillful and kind performer named Mike Vondruska at the King Richard’s Renaissance Faire, and he offered me encouragement and instruction. Thinking back, it is extraordinary how that one event has shaped my life so profoundly. To me, juggling was much more than a passing interest or an amusing skill. Over time, it became my path to understanding performance, discipline, and how to excel when it matters most.

Learning how to face “showtime” and greet uncertain moments with hope and confidence is the real skill. Even after all these years, every presentation conjures the same raw emotions (fear, wonder, and exhilaration, to name a few) and I squarely encounter the first and most important lesson:

You Must Let Go to Get a Grip!

In juggling, as in life, you must be willing to release control in order to make something happen. Holding the objects in your hands is safe, but boring. The instant you launch those objects into the air, however, you create interest, expectation, and opportunity. It takes a willingness to let go and surrender to the uncertainty. At that moment, your skill, input, attitude, and attention enable you to craft a performance that is unique and real.

The Illusion of Control

Juggling isn’t about catching. It’s about making excellent throws. If your throws are on target, the catches are likely to follow. But even then, it is not a certainty. Countless times (in both practice and performance) I’ve had perfect throws bounce out of my hands, causing unexpected drops and the necessity to recover, compose myself, and try again.

We all like to feel that we are in control. In an uncertain world we grasp for any sense of suretyabout what will happen. But the truth of the matter is, control is really an illusion. No matter how much you prepare, practice, plan, or ponder, you cannot completely control the outcome. You can, however, greatly influence the process. Your ability to execute capably and handle the unexpected moments with resilience and resourcefulness is more dependent on your thinking than it is your talent. Some call it staying cool under pressure. I think it’s more about the ability to interpret what is happening around you and produce actions that are aimed at shaping the process in a positive way.

Getting a G.R.I.P. – Grasp Reality, Influence the Process

Guiding events toward a desired outcome is about making continuous, subtle adjustments. In order to recognize which adjustments are necessary at a given moment, you must have the right perspective. You must first “grasp reality,” and see the events around you as they are, without judgment or self deception. “Grasping reality” also means understanding your capabilities, your resources, and the obstacles threatening your efforts.

With an accurate picture of the real world situation, you can then understand how you can “influence the process.” Perhaps you can offer useful assistance, expertise, words of encouragement, past experience, a supportive smile, an attentive ear, an accurate observation, a timely question, or an unexpected answer. There is almost always an action you can take to influence the process in a positive way. Once you do, however, you must be willing to let it go.

Letting Go

Let go of the necessity to control everything. Expect an outcome, but let go of the expectation for it to happen exactly as you have it planned. It won’t! Let go of ideas, judgments, and behaviors that are no longer useful. Let go of negative emotions (resentments, fears, and anger). Let go of projects that just don’t matter. And let go of the things you can not influence at the moment.

Once you make a throw, it is out of your hand and out of your control. You must let it go, and shift your focus to the next task at hand. Busy people (and expert jugglers) move their focus from one action to the next, shifting their focus and energy and releasing the objectives that are, for the time being, out of their direct influence. The feeling of “being overwhelmed” stems from an inability to let go of the events and outcomes you can not control.

Into Action

1. What situation in life is causing you the greatest stress (or distress)? Does your frustration stem from a desire to control the outcome?

2. Let go of your attachments to exact outcomes. Understand that you are a participant in the unfolding events, but you are not the conductor of everything and everyone around you. Whatever happens, it will likely be different than what you presently envision.

3. Get a Grip. Grasp the reality of the situation. Honestly assess the circumstances, your capabilities, your resources, and your motives. What do you really wish to happen, and why? Then, influence the process. With love, kindness, assertiveness, and respect, exert your influence. Then, watch to see the impact of your efforts.

Until next time, keep your focus up and your throws on target.

With encouragement always,

Dan